Scenes From a Test Screening of Son of the Mask
Good afternoon, folks, and thanks for joining us here at the Charles Nelson Reilly Theatre in the maintenance block behind the Warner Brothers studio lot. On behalf of New Line Cinema and director Lawrence Guterman, I welcome you to this preview screening of Son of the Mask starring Jamie Kennedy and Alan Cumming.
I want to aplogize first for the mix up with your invitations. Due to a clerical mishap, the passes we sent you indicated you’d be seeing the new Woody Allen film Melinda and Melinda, and not the wacky sequel to 1994’s The Maskstarring Jim Carrey and Richard Jeni. We promise you this was a simple error and not the only trick we could think of to get these seats filled.
Before we get started, we would like to mention that this is an unfinished print of Son of the Mask, so some of the effects are incomplete and the soundtrack is still temp. Also, the script isn’t finished yet. So you’ll see a few sequences where the actors seem to be shouting random phrases like “Look out!” and “After him!” against a blue screen. Be assured that by the time this film is released in two weeks, these random outbursts will have been edited together with some sort of computer generated action to create at least a vague notion that something is going on. Oh, and we’re thinking about adding a scene with a rapping granny.
But enough disclaimers. Please sit back and enjoy the work print of Son of the Mask. Bernie, Horace, please bolt the doors. See you afterward, folks!
Well, alright. You’ve just seen Son of the Mask before anyone else in the world! This is typically the point at which we would collect the opinion cards we asked you to complete during the screening, but it’s come to my attention that most of you have eaten your cards or attempted to slit your wrists with them. So I’m going to break with protocol and ask you a few questions before opening the floor up for your comments.
First, by show of hands, which of the following demographic groups is most likely to enjoy Son of the Mask: young boys ages eight to thirteen, men ages eighteen to thirty-five, or mentally debilitated rhesus monkeys with bladder control issues?
Wow, OK. A solid consensus there.
Now, by show of hands, how many of you would recommend this movie to your significant others? Your friends? Your nieces and nephews? And how many would recommend that Iraqi insurgent leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi be tied to a seat and made to watch Son of the Mask on a non-stop, three-week loop?
Uh-huh. Interesting.
Of course Son of the Mask is a special effects extravaganza. How would you rate the computer generated images in the movie: “ground-breaking,” “excellent,” “sufficient,” “poor,” or “less impressive than one of those Roger Corman movies from the sixties where they scratched laser beams onto the film negative with a razor blade?”
Oh, c’mon you guys.
I want to talk a little bit about the performances now. By show of hands, which of the following best describes Jamie Kennedy’s portrayal of aspiring cartoonist Tim Avery: “wacky and funny,” “sympathetic and endearing,” “ok but not as good as Jim Carrey in the original,” or “every word out of his wretched mouth made me want to shove a pencil through my skull and into whatever portion of the brain controls the senses of sight, hearing, and for good measure, smell?”
Woah. Gosh, people.
As for Bob Hoskins and Alan Cumming, did you think their presence in the film: “elevated the movie to a level it could not have otherwise attained,” “gave the movie a sense of class,” or “caused you not only to question their worth as actors, but also to question the entire institution of filmed entertainment and indeed the worth of humankind et al?”
Yikes.
Well, OK. Now we’ll open up the floor to any questions or comments you may have about Son of the Mask. Anyone? Yes, you sir. What’s the rating? The film will be rated PG. What’s that? No, I don’t think it should be rated NC-17, regardless of how “depraved” and “shameless” you think it is. We like to think of it as a family comedy, and not “a cautionary tale about the fine line between movie acting and whoredom.” Anyone else?
Yes, you ma’am. What’s that? No, none of the actors are here at the screening today. Can I give them a message from you? Well, I’m not sure I’ll be seeing them anytime soon, but you can give me the message and I’ll do my best. Now ma’am, there’s no need to use language like that. There are children in this audience. Anyone else? Wow, lots of questions, I see.
Is there anyone who doesn’t want to threaten or curse out the cast or crew? Nobody? OK, then. Looks like this screening is over. Bernie and Horace, prepare the memory erasing device and cue the rapping granny.