What I Did Over the Break

PART ONE: Reflections by the Right Side of Josh Way’s Brain

Gosh, where to start.

There were so many wonderful sights, sounds, and smells this Christmas. The food was great, and it was a special time with the family. Josh really has a lot to be thankful for, and I never felt that more deeply than this holiday season.

The best part about the hiatus, though, had to be the free time. There was loads of it! There’s nothing better than looking at the weekly planner and seeing “have fun” written for every day. Sweet! And this year Josh was really good about it – he didn’t get himself involved in all sorts of projects or anything, it was just rest and relaxation all the way. This one day, I think Josh wanted to read a book or something, but there was a good episode ofSamurai Jack on Cartoon Network, and I was able to convince Josh to just chill. It’s not every week that you can just decide to do nothing!

New Year’s was a blast. It’s always fun to get together with friends, look back at the year gone by, and look ahead to an exciting future. Good times.

Then, towards the end of the break, there was this “High Terror Alert” thing on TV, and I started to lose Josh. He was getting all worked up about the world and war and resolve and stuff, and it totally threw cold water on the whole VACATION idea. But eventually, his wife distracted him with a trip to the mall, and it was back to business as usual.

It was a warm and special time, and I’m proud of Josh for making the most of it.

PART TWO: Reflections by the Left Side of Josh Way’s Brain

I will start at the beginning, because that is the only logical place to start.

During the time of the Christmas, the host body spent excessive amounts of time ingesting food goods and conversing superficially with members of his extended family unit. I do not find either of these practices logical. Ingesting disproportionate quantities of provisions while engaging in compulsory family interaction seems counter-productive. I do not mean by this that it results in the production of countertops or other work surfaces, but rather that it does not contribute to the host body’s efficiency.

While we are speaking about the topic of productivity, I would like to suggest that the host body was never, at any point during the hiatus period, productive. Although the event schedule revealed superfluous time units, these were never applied to suitable activities. I became what the Right Hemisphere might refer to as “hopeful” when the host body began to read a book by the English scholar C.S. Lewis called the Screwtape Letters, because it is a worthwhile piece of literature which stimulates my favorite of all processes: thought. My “hope” sensations were removed quickly, however, when the host body discarded the book and began to watch a silly moving picture program about a Samurai warrior named Jack. Absurd.

I have never found logic in the host body’s reaction to the coming of the New Year. Did not he and his kind invent the time unit measurement calendar? Why then do they dance about and celebrate when the time unit numbers increase by predictable increments?

Just when I was prepared to accept that I would never be given an opportunity to be useful during the hiatus period, the host body’s national leader announced a “High Terror Alert” decree. This allowed me to take the dominant position for once, and I did not waste the opportunity. I began instantly to fill the host body’s thoughts with notions of worst-case scenarios, analyzing and over-analyzing every possible outcome. I was so effective that at one point I managed to detain the host body from his appointed sleep experience.

While this was “enjoyable” to me for a brief time, I was swiftly silenced by the DVD release of xXx.